rough gem, rough gem

Wed, 16 May 2007 06:56:52 GMT

no more zebra_ahh

hello swimsuitbarcode

Sat, 12 May 2007 03:54:03 GMT

okay, so i'm so pumped on this school year being over
and i'm so pumped on the summer...

but now i'm pretty pumped for next year too.
it's pretty much just gonna be me & ms. sara herter ruling hard, taking names, & kicking ass

so i hate talking on the phone right?
pretty much the only person i can talk to for more than 15 minutes is tom
sara fits into the talk for more than 15 minutes category as well now, i adore that girl. we have such similar minds.

lol we totally hated eachother at the beginning of the year too, cause like.. she did hella drugs, and i really hated her for it. she hella hated me for being completely self-righteous (as i was) about hating drugs. then i gave her the benefit of the doubt, and to my suprise she really wasn't the drugged out lame ass i thought she was.
SO glad i gave her that chance, and im so glad she was able to put aside her mutual hate for me to just try to be friends.
we're going to have SO MUCH FUCKING FUN next year.
zombie club. that's where it's at.
we've already begun to recruit members, and we've talked to the vice principal about having a day where there would be a simulated zombie attack and the students trapped inside the school building would have to figure out what to do, etc. etc.

we're so much on the same level
AHHH zombie fest tomorrow night & hella comic book monopoly which we bought a pearly's garage sale =)

life is so good!

p.s. i totally saw 28 weeks later, and it was amazing. the infected aren't completely legit zombies but it doesn't matter. it was an excellent movie. the first one is better (duh) but again! it doesn't matter! anything with blood + gore + zombies + running from zombies + tricky zombies + snipers is A-OKAY with me

Wed, 09 May 2007 17:44:12 GMT

i feel productive
i feel good
there are so many reasons for me to be happy

when you finally face your problems, and when you realize that you have people who understand, who want to help, and will be there... it's just such a relief

MY particular issue is i dont know what im doing. im pretty lost, i know i'm just playing a lot by ear. i know that i also have this preconcieved idea of what i want to be, but i'm not fitting into that, and it's exasperating, and frustrating, and hard to accept. but i'm starting to, or trying to at least. for me the first step in forgetting what i think i need to be is going to be about letting go of how much i care about what other people think of me. i've lost friends who i care about deeply, and i still don't COMPLETELY know why, but because of that i've started to try to make myself a certain way for certain people, so that i can be the friend that THEY want to be friends with. that needs to stop. it's hard.

knowing all of this about myself is freeing

Sun, 06 May 2007 16:14:55 GMT

yesterday was fun!
well.. not the SAT part, but i guess that wasn't too bad

woke up stupidly early then got on that SAT hype (LOL) and made my way over bay. it was a complete overload of people i know. mehhhh. it was so good to see pearly and vicky though.

after that went back home walked lily, then went downtown. this is where the shopping begins.

so i left the house a little after two.
i was out shopping until six.
i NEVER want to do that much shopping again.
i got some really neat stuff though.
two shirts, a head thing, a pair of heart shaped sunglasses, and a pair of shoes.
met up with rye and sam on haight and charged around down there for a bit. we were on that shopping tip (mad lolz).

then we went back to their house and watched youtube stuff for a bit, it's always so funny. then we walked on down to chinatown and had hella good food again. then we walked downtown to catch the 45 to go to van ness to see Spiderman III which wouldn't have been very good without the hella ghetto fab commentary going on behind us. on the bus back to rye's there was this woman who was just TALKING AND TALKING and wouldn't shut up even to breath. then it donned on me. this woman looked EXACTLY like kelly from the office, so i told sam, and the two of us laughed until we cried. so good.

my mom was out till 2 in the morning?
this has become a daily occurence?
the most i've seen of her this entire week has been about 5 hours total.
it's really weird.

tom.
im so sorry i haven't been around much lately
i really miss you, and you've gotta know that if given the oppurtunity, you'd be the one i'd be spending all my time with.
i love you.

Sat, 05 May 2007 05:56:49 GMT

i expected today to SUCK BALLZ
it really didn't though!
so good =>

hung out at the beach with boukie, caught up
was sooooo excellent, i missed her real bad
walked into town with rye and trevor to get lunch
then went back to the beach and just played music
rye had his guitar, and felipe had brought his acoustic bass, so trevor borrowed that and we just played for like...4 straight hours. such a good feeling. after music trevor and i got into a competetive game of chess which i lost. lame.

then we left and went back to trevors house to record some songs we've been working on. i'll put a link to our music page once i've uploaded all our songs and shit. sooooooooooooooooooooooo awesome.

do this.

1. How are you?
2. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite food?
6. What was the last book you read and how is it?
7. What was the last movie you watched? Did you like it?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings (if you have piercings, don't tell me what they are, I don't want to know)?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Capitalism?
11. Do we know each other outside of livejournal (I'm really curious)?
12. What is your favorite sport?
13. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
14. Which superpower?
15. Favorite color?
16. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
17. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
18. Tell me one interesting fact about yourself.
19. Ice T or Ice Cube?
20. Do you have any pets?
21. What time is it where you are now?
22. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
23. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
24. Celebrity crush?
25. Do you wear glasses/contacts?
26. Mary Kate or Ashley?
27. Ever been arrested?
28. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
29. What's your favorite bar to hang out at?
30. Do you believe in ghosts?
31. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
32. Is bavaria a country?
33. Do you swear a lot?
34. What is your favorite swear word?
35. Biggest pet peeve?
36. Coffee or tea?
37. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
38. In one word, how would you describe me?
39. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
40. Post a picture of yourself. A good one, where I can actually see what you look like.

Fri, 04 May 2007 03:49:08 GMT

i think tomorrow is going to SUCK
i know saturday is going to suck
fucking SATS at the mother fucking bay school
i dont want to go back there
every time i go back it's horrible

i dont want to see people i hate
i do want to see vicky
that im thinking, is pretty much it

fuck SATS
fuck the bay school
fuck shitty people

Thu, 03 May 2007 06:22:53 GMT

jeeeeeesus

i love bob dylan so much

It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It don't matter, anyhow
An' it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don't know by now
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm trav'lin' on
Don't think twice, it's all right

It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road
Still I wish there was somethin' you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin' anyway
So don't think twice, it's all right

It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
Like you never did before
It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
I can't hear you any more
I'm a-thinkin' and a-wond'rin' all the way down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I'm told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don't think twice, it's all right

I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But goodbye's too good a word, gal
So I'll just say fare thee well
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right

Wed, 02 May 2007 21:26:26 GMT

i think this is going to be a long silly post

IM SO NERVOUS
my band is playing for the first time ever today at our school "poetry slam" LOL but it's gonna be really stressful because LEMONY SNICKET is gonna be here too, and i want our band to be impressive. we're gonna play our song seasick:
fell in love with an island
but i was sick of the sea
ducked the deadly dogfight
dank dip down i believe

wondering what kind of captain i came to be

came to be confused
about the ships converging in on me
before my brothers blood i thought it best
to befriend my enemies

wondering what kind of captain i was supposed to be

aloud i was astounded
when i heard a sound that grounded me
met with my worries and my troubles
deep beneath the black water sea

wondering what kind of captain i came to be

and it's TOTALLY gonna rule. i hope. okay well like, a zillion hours later i've come back to this entry and it DID go really well. it was scary, but i think we did pretty well =) i was shaking so bad once it was over, but it was SO worth it. i cannot WAIT for band practice this saturday. however i CAN wait for saturday itself. FUCK YOU SAT'S! i have to take them at the bay school =( which is going to SUCKKKKKK. bleahhh 20 more minutes of french... id rather dieeee.

lemony snicket is totally awesome by the way
he's so funny, and so nice, and just so excellent
he signed my arm LOL.
today i pretty much only had 3 classes.
us history
english
french
c'est tout!

i got to skip chem because the admin rep from SARAH LAWRENCE!!!!!!!!!!! was here. oh my GOD, im so applying there. it looks fucking amazing. so, i missed chem for that. then i missed math cause i was helping with set up for the poetry slam thing, then we had an extended lunch which meant no photo, then english, now french, then hoooome!
tomorrow no school, going to the DeYoung to see the Vivienne Westwood exhibit... that's goin on all day!!
then FRIDAY is gonna be excellent. it's TMS beach day.
the whole school is going to stinson beach to just chill and barbecue and rule. so im pumpppped.
then there's only like, less than a month of school left and it's SUMMER!

i love anime ^_^

Wed, 02 May 2007 04:00:24 GMT

i believe i've finally figured it out

hello upper inside of my left arm tat!

Sun, 29 Apr 2007 18:32:14 GMT

Join miniaturess today.

yes yes

Sun, 29 Apr 2007 04:10:51 GMT

today was one of those GOOD DAYS
i had very little expectation
and i was pleasantly suprised

soooo i had to wake up stupidly early to go to SAT class
my mom fooled me into thinking i had a diagnostic today
when in fact we were just going over the writing & grammar portion
no problem, so fucking easy
after that rye picked me up in mill valley to go to band practice
this didn't happen of course so we just worked on our songs for when we play hella coffee houses
then we picked up his brother and went into the city for sushi
then we went back to their dads house and i learned how to play call of duty 3, and how to cheat and we made a lot of people REALLY mad it was hilarious
cause like, when you get a critical injury in the game you spawn in this one place and like, rye and i would stand our characters infront of the doorway of the place where all these people on our team were spawning and NONE of them could get out and it was fucking hysterical because since it's XBOX live you can hear all these people yelling and being like "who the fuck is standing infront of the door" and lolz
then we walked to Chinatown and got porkbuns and a bunch of other sketchy looking food, and rye and his brother just argued about politics the whole time

all in all it was a funny day
and it was good

the ONLY THING that could make this day any better
would be to have tom here
i cant fucking WAIT for summer
a whole month
i get a whole month with him
i'm ecstatic

Sat, 28 Apr 2007 06:15:48 GMT

GUH
fuck
im seriously so tired of getting cancelled on
and im even MORE fucking tired of feeling unimportant
and im frustrated
i hate getting told one thing, to then have it changed the next minute

im working on this new song with rye to play at coffee houses

It's been a bloody stupid day
My baby called me up to say
Don't call me love, don't call me
It's not all she said

I truly love her but I know
I'm bad for her, I'm bad and so
At least she may forgive me for my honesty

My friend came back from being abroad
He was rich and I was overawed
His ship came in
I'm standing on the harbour wall

Another friend, the one I love
Turns to me "Have you seen enough?"
"Let's hang about
There's nothing like a sunset INTO THE NIGHT"

It's been a bloody stupid day
Don't leave the light on baby
My baby called me up to say
Don't leave the light on baby
I'll see you sometime maybe
Don't leave the light on baby
It finally dawned on me tonight
Best to go down without a fight
I know you will forgive me for my honesty

mmmmm belle and sebastian

we have...
- you may know him, by Cat Power
- cold cold night, by the White Stripes
- dont leave the light on baby, by Belle and Sebastian
- seasick, by rye
- my wolf, by rye
- with arms outstretched, by Rilo Kiley
- somebody elses clothes, by Rilo Kiley

and maybe metal heart, by Cat Power

Sat, 28 Apr 2007 04:05:58 GMT

let down
after let down
after fucking let down

im so doneeee with people
band practice was good though

fuck SATs
need more band practice

i haven't eaten today and there's no food in my house

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 02:05:42 GMT

i am more than just unhappy
i dont want to just bottle up these feelings
im so fucking tired of crying

i dont think i'm strong enough to survive any of this
what am i going to fucking do?

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 01:59:58 GMT

why is it that when one of us is free
the other always isn't
and vice versa?

all i've been able to think about today is how you're my person
you're MY person
you're the one who i want to impress all the time
you're the one who's smile makes me happier than anything else in the whole world

your smile is so amazing
i just want to be with you and make you smile
i get jealous when other girls do that
it's silly but i do
you know how jealous i get, you're not doing this on purpose i know that
but those two make me SO FUCKING JEALOUS
they're older
they're beautiful
you've dated one of them
and you once said to me that the other is one of the most beautiful girls you know

ugh i just miss you so much

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 15:11:49 GMT

oh hay girl!

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 21:19:51 GMT

byahhhhhhhhh
the booooks tonighhhhht
it's gonna be goooooood

after like... 2 hours im gonna be a lil 4 eyes!
glasses for the nearsighted

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 05:28:38 GMT

things have just been SHITTY lately!
i cancelled all my plans tonight so i could hang with paris
then i got cancelled on?
im pissed off for my own selfish reasons

im also tired of all the parties
i dont UNDERSTAND parties
therefore they make me uncomfortable
i have never been to a house party
i have never been to a hill party
or a bush party
or any sort of party
and frankly, i never want to go to one
all the same, they make me uncomfortable

april was one of the loneliest, suckiest months of my life
spending this much time with my dad makes me depressed
it's not that i dont think he's a good guy, because he is
but he's just so depressed himself...
it's hard to be around, all i can do is just absorb the depressedness in this house and it's making me freak
today during band practice was the first time i've slept for more than 30 minutes at a time since wednesday

well, at least im seeing vicky on monday
go books!

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 07:31:57 GMT

lame

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 02:35:23 GMT

i wish i were busier
i wish i had more stuff to do
i'm loney
i'm sick

i just want finals to get here so i can study
not focus on ANYTHING else
and then just get into summer

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 22:40:17 GMT

IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF ALL THIS COLLEGE TALK
it's honestly all adults want to talk about once you hit the end of your junior year
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
go away
go away
go awayyyyyyy

im still 17!
im still a junior!
im not a senior!
i dont wanna take the SAT'S
i should just go to an art school
no sats requireeeed

im gonna be 18 this summer o_o

PS: PETER PAN RULESSSSSSSS

I won't grow up,
(I won't grow up)
I don't want to go to school.
(I don't want to go to school)
Just to learn to be a parrot,
(Just to learn to be a parrot)
And recite a silly rule.
(And recite a silly rule)
If growing up means
It would be beneath my dignity to climb a tree,
I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up
Not me!
Not I,
Not me!
Not me!

PPS: life is sucking so much lately
i wanna go back to school, fuck spring break

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 00:59:02 GMT

OH HAY!
this is the spring break of college visits galore
4 colleges in 4 days

today i visited Reed
IT WAS AMAZING
oh man, it's everything i could ever want in college form
i'm not ruling out other options though, there's still hella colleges to visit

just arrived in Tacoma, stayed in Portland last night
i'm visiting University of Puget Sound tomorrow
i dont know anything about this college, my dad just put it on our list... whatever
day after tomorrow we visit Evergreen and then drive into Seattle and i'll see EMMA MALLONEE!

then our last day here (friday) im visiting Cornish which im beyond excited about
the head of their theater department just directed a play at ACT and it was HELLAMAZING!
so i'm over the moon about visiting.
then friday afternoon i fly home!

so busy, so busy...
when am i going to find time to go see Grindhouse?

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 07:15:46 GMT

i just threw up
that'll be the 4th time this week
lately i've been... overly stressed i guess
happy front of course, god forbid you let anyone know you're down

i guess i just cant handle the stress anymore
everytime there's a problem now i just get physically sick
is this my body telling me to slow the fuck down
and just take a step back?
yeah, i think so

i hate fighting
i hate talking about really upsetting pointless things
it always happens when im least mentally prepared for it
like tonight
tonight was the ONE NIGHT where i was just not in anyway prepared to deal with fighting
and we fight
now im sick
crying
afraid that my mom i just gonna ignore me
not speak to me
cut short our summer plans

im not going to be able to go to sleep tonight
this is not a fucking fairytale
i wish it was
but right now, it's not

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 02:59:46 GMT

I WAS JUST ON TV MOTHA FUCKAAAAAAAS

okay so, on st. patricks day the pod squad from the CW bay area approached me/paris/sara and asked if we wanted to be on TV
so
I WAS!

i said "hi! this is emma, from san francisco, california, and coming up next is Americas Next Top Model on the CW Bay Area!!!"

I FUCKING RULE

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 03:40:39 GMT

FUCK PEOPLE WHO IDENTIFY THEMSELVES SOLEY BY THEIR RACE
WHY CANT YOU OPEN YOUR GOD DAMN MIND AND SEE PAST SKIN COLOR?
IT DOESN'T FUCKING MAKE YOU WHO YOU ARE

WHOA IM WHITE
DONT FUCKING SAY IT TO ME LIKE ITS A GOD DAMN INSULT
IM FUCKING TIRED OF ALL THIS REVERSE RACISM
IF SOMEONE WERE TO START A WHITE PRIDE CLUB THEY'D PRETTY MUCH GET ARRESTED

BUT
BLACK PRIDE
ASIAN PRIDE
SPANISH PRIDE
WHATEVER PRIDE
THAT'S ALL GOOD, THAT'S FINE

BECAUSE AT ONE POINT THEY WERE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST
WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS?
BEING WHITE IS A BAD THING NOW HUH?
SO, BY USING "WHITE" AS AN INSULT, HOW IS THAT NOW FUCKING RACIAL DISCRIMINATION, HUH?

answer me that you fuck ass

i'm not fucking rasicst just because people with my skin color were
i dont identify myself solely by the fact that im white
if you were to ask me who i was, i wouldn't say i'm a white teenager living in california, i'd tell you MORE, i'd identify myself with the things, and the people i surround myself with
fuck you if you cant see past your own skin color
grow the fuck up

i'm not fucking racist
i'm just pissed off
why is race such a big fucking deal?
we're all going to be one big race someday because people are people and they will fuck and reproduce

race is NOT FUCKING IMPORTANT
if you open us all up we're all the fucking same on the inside
WHY CANT PEOPLE FUCKING GRASP THAT CONCEPT!?